Focus!

I've decided it's time to cast aside all the self-pity! In the car coming to work today, I decided this, and proceeded to tell Jesus all about it. I also asked him to fill me with his Spirit, as only He can help me make it through all the tempestuous winds that beset me. There's so much of my life that I have spent thinking about my old self, my old sins, and how they continually are brought back to my mind, dragging me back. I have to remember there's an enemy to my soul, and it isn't just me doing this to myself.

So what is there to be done about it. Mainly, spend time with the Father, for in Him can we be brought into strength, find love, and learn to live at peace with ourselves. We have to remember what He has done for us, and who He has made us into/will continue making us into. When we forget about that stuff, we go astray. It's all too easy with the busy busy world we live in. The Devil's created the perfect storm for us Christians. Keep them busy, keep them distracted, tell them lies in their own voice at that point when they have stopped listening to His voice.

See, we may lose our focus, but the two beings on either side of that line we must walk everyday... they don't lose their focus. God has chosen to be a gentleman, and not force us into Him. However, that doesn't mean He just sits back when we wander away. He is always dropping hints about Himself into our lives, trying to remind us to turn back to Him. In a sense, God is our Mother and Father. Those traits we think of in our mothers, we forget about in regards to God. He doesn't just correct us and discipline us; He's also there to gently nurture our souls. He wants us to love Him. Can you love someone who constantly berates you over all the things you've done wrong. God wanted us to be free from separation, so he built a bridge across the chasm we had created. He actually lassoed the other side of the chasm, and pulled it to His side, forming a solid piece of ground. The Devil wants us to forget about that though.

So here's the Devil, with all His connections (minions, demons/whatever you'd like them labelled) tapping into our lives, keeping track of everything we do or say. This guys got a problem with women. He secretly lusts every chance he gets. Is that so. Well, try to get him to go by the college on his way home, so he can look at the joggers. Also, see if you can get him to want one of those smart phones so he can easily get a hold on any pictures he wants. Those things are always connected to my internet. If we can get him connected to that all the time, we're one step closer to another win. You see, the Devil, he's all about keeping our eyes on anything and anybody but God. He follows the markets, knows what's trending, and knows what we're watching. So he finds more ways to get us plugged in to ourselves and the world, so we cannot possibly find time to plug in with God, the lover of our souls.

Here I stand; making a decision to go against the flow. I will be as a salmon swimming upstream, because the natural flow of things always brings me back to self-focus, which is detrimental to my soul's survival. What sort of narrow precipice do we choose to stand on. Everyday away from our Creator's presence is a possible death by any number of pianos hanging over our head by thin wires. What it all comes down to is focus. If you are walking along a trail, and are always looking at your own feet, you will miss the roots, rocks, and bears that may be in your path. Put your eyes in front of you, go through this life like you're running a race (as Paul put it), and your eyes will be fixed on the Father. You will not trip. You have built your house on solid ground.

The waves and wind will always come, but will you be prepared for them? Do you live with your focus on the Father, or are your eyes always on your feet, and are you always thinking about the next time you're going to trip because of this? Look up Christians! The time draws near daily for our Savior to return. The Bible says He will be looking for those who have been looking for Him. Keep your eyes on the prize, and when you trip, dust yourself off, and put those eyes back on the prize!

A Crisis

Recently I've been away from God. I'm not proud of this, nor is this a state of affairs that I would like to continue in. However it has given me time to think about how much of my time is spent feeling guilty about my life. What has been called into question for me is how I've noticed myself resenting it all when I'm away from it, yet compelled to always come back, mostly out of fear.

I understand I have been blinded by selfishness, and my feelings of guilt over my own sad state of spiritual affairs. I know that those without Jesus are going to go to Hell. I know He offers a relationship with the Father. I wonder if I've been gyping myself out of this relationship. Of course I naturally believe I am that bad. That's my point though, and is what I've grown to resent. The fact that I can't ever just live a free life, I'm always questioning why I always have to mess it up.

I've began to simply give in to a lot of stuff recently, and just be without always thinking about what I'm doing. In short, I've been living like the rest of the world recently, and however dangerous I know the Bible teaches this to be, I've just simply been enjoying not constantly criticizing my every move. Of course there's always the tape playing in the back of my mind that warns me I cannot continue in this manner for long.

I guess what this has all brought me to is to question why my current mode of Christianity hasn't been sustainable. We've reached a crossroads folks, in which I can no longer continue in the old status quo ways.

So, when I begin to get back into the swing of things, what should I do differently? How can I create sustainable growth, and how can I actually walk in relationship with God? All things are possible with Him, so I guess I'll see what he has to say about it.

Note: I'm also tired of not caring about other people that much. I've been so self- centered that I've gotten paranoid about most people, though I believe most people will give you a reason to mistrust them. I'm tired of seeing other people in the same way I see myself, labeled by what they do. How can I move past this in the right way, without simply just accepting everyone how they are. Are we supposed to accept everyone how they are? There's the whole problem of our sins separating us from God thing, which I know is God's thing to worry about, not mine. How do you accept others when they don't live right? What does it mean to accept someone? Is approval part of accepting them? How do you love people who don't like you? How do you get to the point of not caring what they think about your life anyway? Mainly, how do you love them without sending the message that you can just continue doing what you do forever, and I won't be here to judge?

-_-

I have realized I hate the news. Every time I scan through the headlines on Google news, I can feel my stress levels rising. *Leaves bad taste in head*

Finis to "The Hunger Games" trilogy

So I finally finished "The Hunger Games" tonight. Now I feel melancholy, lonely and jaded. Fun eh? I will say one thing in the current state I'm in: these books are well written. I also believe the author told the story the way she heard the character's tell her. She told the truth, and the truth was not pretty. I sincerely hope humanity's future can be brighter, though from what I know from "Revelation" it gets worse before it gets better; much like "The Hunger Games." It's interesting how we write these books that are so telling about how we feel about our future. I don't hear or read of Utopian visions anymore. I also think the state the world's been in for decades, perhaps centuries now forms our view of how the future may be; especially as things have only gotten worse with the centralization of governments, and the consequences of countries so closely tied together when things go bad. Now if only we were inherently good; then we could hope. Interestingly enough, there's very little hope in our world. It seems that in our hands, in our greedy hands, hope withers like a rose in a dry glass.

The takeaway here? We cannot allow ourselves to live our lives thinking we must control everything. We have to give it all over to Jesus Christ, who is the only one worthy of taking such things as our hopeless, control freak lives, and make something beautiful and worthy of a hopeful future; because in our hands we have no hope. We can expect nothing else but Hell.

A Call

I have a burden on my heart. I probably couldn't put my finger on too much of it except to say I want to do God's will, and I feel lonely. Some of this is probably due to being on night shift (the loneliness and introspection that I can take advantage of.) Some of it may be due to my body actually being in a state of extreme fatigue, as I've not been sleeping on a regular schedule, or how I'm supposed to be.

Here's some of the things that are defining my lonely feelings: The world doesn't seem to have a place for me. Which on one level doesn't bother me because I know this place isn't my home anyway. On another level though, it makes me feel lonely. As Paul put it, "an alien in a foreign land." I have a "good" job. I am married and am expecting a child. On the surface everything should be OK. I know this is what most people live for. I don't want just this though. This is only my temporary life, of which I don't know when or where the end is. The only one who can make me whole and complete lives in Heaven right now, and even though I know I have access to Him and our Father, I still wish I could be with Him. He would/can understand all my lonely feelings, and put the correct words to them, instead of the rambling sentences I construct. I miss Him. I know I've never met Him while in this earthly body, except maybe when he touched or brushed by me. I really want to be with Him; away from all this pain, suffering and trouble that visits/will visit me while I am living on this lonely globe. Fellow brothers and sisters help. Sometimes I get glimpses of Him from them, but more often than not, I see a whole lot of struggling, oppressed people who can't seem to see past their issues and burdens. I know how they feel, because that's me most of the time. This also reminds me of something else Paul has said; something about seeing through rose-colored glasses while walking through this earth right now, but one day having clear vision.

I'm really tired of politics, war and fear. I look forward, more often than not nowadays, to a time when all this is over. When Jesus, my King, has taken all this away from us Forever. When we will be able to enjoy each other's presence without fearing conversations going awry; without fearing broken relationships. When we'll be able to love openly, all the time. When we could cry and not feel ashamed; hug each other at anytime; walk hand in hand through fields and just be able to have a seemingly endless conversation of soul-sharing. Why do we have to be so limited here? Is there anyway we cannot be? Aren't we as Christians supposed to be free? What can we do about this Church? Didn't Jesus talk about His Kingdom being in the now, as well as the future? Can we not move past our pasts, and become new creations? What is going on, and what are we going to do about it?

The Silence of Grace

I have tried Obedience.
It happens for a few days.
I don't even last a week.
What is wrong with me?
     I shout to the sky.
A gentle breeze answers
So I try more.
     and fail more.
The cycle continues,
     and my frustration grows.
What is wrong with me?
     I shout to the sky.
A bird flies by singing.
A flower is blooming.
Grass and trees reach
     for the same sky
     I direct my anger towards.
Where does my answer lie?
Why do I get no response?
A voice crying in the wilderness,
     head turned upwards,
     eyes searching the clouds.
Voice raw
     from asking the same question
     over and over again.
"Just Be," a friend tells me.
His Grace covers your failures.