A Call

I have a burden on my heart. I probably couldn't put my finger on too much of it except to say I want to do God's will, and I feel lonely. Some of this is probably due to being on night shift (the loneliness and introspection that I can take advantage of.) Some of it may be due to my body actually being in a state of extreme fatigue, as I've not been sleeping on a regular schedule, or how I'm supposed to be.

Here's some of the things that are defining my lonely feelings: The world doesn't seem to have a place for me. Which on one level doesn't bother me because I know this place isn't my home anyway. On another level though, it makes me feel lonely. As Paul put it, "an alien in a foreign land." I have a "good" job. I am married and am expecting a child. On the surface everything should be OK. I know this is what most people live for. I don't want just this though. This is only my temporary life, of which I don't know when or where the end is. The only one who can make me whole and complete lives in Heaven right now, and even though I know I have access to Him and our Father, I still wish I could be with Him. He would/can understand all my lonely feelings, and put the correct words to them, instead of the rambling sentences I construct. I miss Him. I know I've never met Him while in this earthly body, except maybe when he touched or brushed by me. I really want to be with Him; away from all this pain, suffering and trouble that visits/will visit me while I am living on this lonely globe. Fellow brothers and sisters help. Sometimes I get glimpses of Him from them, but more often than not, I see a whole lot of struggling, oppressed people who can't seem to see past their issues and burdens. I know how they feel, because that's me most of the time. This also reminds me of something else Paul has said; something about seeing through rose-colored glasses while walking through this earth right now, but one day having clear vision.

I'm really tired of politics, war and fear. I look forward, more often than not nowadays, to a time when all this is over. When Jesus, my King, has taken all this away from us Forever. When we will be able to enjoy each other's presence without fearing conversations going awry; without fearing broken relationships. When we'll be able to love openly, all the time. When we could cry and not feel ashamed; hug each other at anytime; walk hand in hand through fields and just be able to have a seemingly endless conversation of soul-sharing. Why do we have to be so limited here? Is there anyway we cannot be? Aren't we as Christians supposed to be free? What can we do about this Church? Didn't Jesus talk about His Kingdom being in the now, as well as the future? Can we not move past our pasts, and become new creations? What is going on, and what are we going to do about it?