Sunday, August 29, 2010
Life of Ease and Frustration: Water Flows Downhill
I am tired and filled with caffeine. My head feels jittery, like my arms. There is a dullness in my brain from lack of good sleep. Yesterday, Marquis called us. He talked to us both on subjects ranging from National Novel Writing Month to (the One Who Must Not Be Named). I am interested in writing a novel,and have been for my whole memorable life. The problem, as Anna said last night, is I'm a realist. I tell myself I'm over criticism. That is false though, as I continue battling it on a daily basis. Even though I continue to follow my own path, paranoia trails me in close second. I'm paranoid right now, continually looking over my shoulders. Is Chris in here? Is Josh looking over here? Talking about me? Yesterday I was paranoid became I wanted to listen to the news on my MP3 player. I even asked Josh if anybody would care if I did. He said no. I continued feeling Yes. I'm so anal about some things, and its beginning to drive me crazy. I keep wanting to read over what I've written, looking for mistakes. At home, I'll tell Anna how something she's done can be done better. You know that doesn't go over well sometimes. Even if I were to attempt to write a novel, during NNWM I would have extreme difficulty continuing to write. I've always had problems continuing something I've started. I like new things, and starting new things, but have the lowest level of commitment to them of anyone I know. It may be my greatest downfall in life. I lack discipline. I lack self-confidence and self-control. I am water.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Interview Prep
Just for everyone's FYI I'm going to begin an interview process that includes: the interview, a write up, and a post of the write up. I've been thinking about how to do it, and would like some feedback as to the options I've come up with. Options: Create a totally different website for this body of work that includes audio footage, transcripts of the interviews, and write ups of them; Create a different blogger/blog spot for the interview write ups; or simply post them on this site. I've already conducted the first interview, but have been sitting on it for a couple weeks now. I'm hoping to attain some motivation to revisit.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A Selection of Back-logs
"He didn't even know he was destroying her life. In fact, if he had known the effect of it all, he would never have continued." Most human beings will not consciously hurt each other, but do, and deceive themselves in thinking they do not. They would rather consider their own lives than those of others. Family and friends are pushed to the side when one is consumed by selfishness. It is a sickness. A silent, slow killer.
(Friday)
This morning is a late morning. In bed this morning I dreamed Opp. J and I were trying to get to work using a shortcut. We ended up being lost. I left the house a few minutes late and got behind a school bus on the way to work. The bus stopped twice. At both stops a kid ended up running to the bus because of being late. At work, I'm now surrounded by all the parts that I have to run. Every day the pile gets bigger, and I get farther behind. Sometimes somebody helps me catch up, sometimes not.
Opp. J is late.
2 Timothy
As Christians (Christ-followers) we are to be strong. We're not called to be side liners, but rather are compared to soldiers in active service. As soldiers we are not to participate in civilian life. We have duty to attend to.
(A confession)
I feel like its time to do some soul searching. I feel... guilty all the time, distracted, and my eyes have wandered off the goal. I have no current purpose driving my life. I lie and cheat. I can't keep anything I say to God. I claim Him as Father but don't act like His Son. I've been adopted into His family but still act like an outsider. It means something to be a part of this family, but I've been ignoring those who love me most. I have a guilty conscious even though the one who took me in said I was accepted just as I am. "In my house there is no condemnation," he said, "You are free." I don't act like I know this though. I continue to follow my flesh. I am selfish, and didn't realize how much it was hurting these people that care about me. What can I do or say to make Him trust me? How can he trust me when I don't even trust myself? I should come with a warning: "This man cannot be trusted."
It scares me that the more I learn about people the more anti-social I become. The more I learn about them, the more I observe, the less I seem to understand. People are not formulaic. Not in any sense of the word. How can I build characters? There's just so much complexity. Too many reasons why people do the things they do, and think the things they think. Some people are just too simple. I don't understand how they can be so easy. I can't tack down their motivations. All this is purely from observation though. It's hard enough to be yourself much less try to be someone else.
There are things I need to define, like what I want out of life. You can't just spend all your time walking around purposeless, waiting for goo d things to happen to you, and angry when bad things do.
(Notes from Church, please comment on questions asked, if you feel you have a good answer.)
"The Power of the Cross"--->frequently used metaphor. What does it mean? The stone was rolled away not to let Jesus out, but to show us He wasn't there--->"The Glory of God." What does it mean to accept Jesus as your Savior? What does one have to do? What does one not have to do? The command from God--->"Let your body die so you can rise again in three days." How does Jesus meeting and feasting with His disciples show the "Glory of God? "Jesus got up so you and I could get in." Priests would die if they had sin in their life upon entering the Holy of Holies, now we can access God without dying. Still, this can only happen if we are sinless. That, is what He did. Why continue to use the KJV? Somber faces. We need powerful Christians, not sideliners. Not "churchy" Christians. Don't hide what we know--->The Great Commission.
(Friday)
This morning is a late morning. In bed this morning I dreamed Opp. J and I were trying to get to work using a shortcut. We ended up being lost. I left the house a few minutes late and got behind a school bus on the way to work. The bus stopped twice. At both stops a kid ended up running to the bus because of being late. At work, I'm now surrounded by all the parts that I have to run. Every day the pile gets bigger, and I get farther behind. Sometimes somebody helps me catch up, sometimes not.
Opp. J is late.
2 Timothy
As Christians (Christ-followers) we are to be strong. We're not called to be side liners, but rather are compared to soldiers in active service. As soldiers we are not to participate in civilian life. We have duty to attend to.
(A confession)
I feel like its time to do some soul searching. I feel... guilty all the time, distracted, and my eyes have wandered off the goal. I have no current purpose driving my life. I lie and cheat. I can't keep anything I say to God. I claim Him as Father but don't act like His Son. I've been adopted into His family but still act like an outsider. It means something to be a part of this family, but I've been ignoring those who love me most. I have a guilty conscious even though the one who took me in said I was accepted just as I am. "In my house there is no condemnation," he said, "You are free." I don't act like I know this though. I continue to follow my flesh. I am selfish, and didn't realize how much it was hurting these people that care about me. What can I do or say to make Him trust me? How can he trust me when I don't even trust myself? I should come with a warning: "This man cannot be trusted."
It scares me that the more I learn about people the more anti-social I become. The more I learn about them, the more I observe, the less I seem to understand. People are not formulaic. Not in any sense of the word. How can I build characters? There's just so much complexity. Too many reasons why people do the things they do, and think the things they think. Some people are just too simple. I don't understand how they can be so easy. I can't tack down their motivations. All this is purely from observation though. It's hard enough to be yourself much less try to be someone else.
There are things I need to define, like what I want out of life. You can't just spend all your time walking around purposeless, waiting for goo d things to happen to you, and angry when bad things do.
(Notes from Church, please comment on questions asked, if you feel you have a good answer.)
"The Power of the Cross"--->frequently used metaphor. What does it mean? The stone was rolled away not to let Jesus out, but to show us He wasn't there--->"The Glory of God." What does it mean to accept Jesus as your Savior? What does one have to do? What does one not have to do? The command from God--->"Let your body die so you can rise again in three days." How does Jesus meeting and feasting with His disciples show the "Glory of God? "Jesus got up so you and I could get in." Priests would die if they had sin in their life upon entering the Holy of Holies, now we can access God without dying. Still, this can only happen if we are sinless. That, is what He did. Why continue to use the KJV? Somber faces. We need powerful Christians, not sideliners. Not "churchy" Christians. Don't hide what we know--->The Great Commission.
Plain, Brown and Recycled
Writing:
Thinking is easy, but thoughts only last for moments. No one can benefit from thoughts unless these thoughts cause some action. One of the most effective forms of thought-to-action is writing. Writing a thought down makes it concrete. Unless that piece of paper is burned, or that electronic document destroyed, those thoughts will last there forever. Now if you want your thoughts to really be effective, take time to edit what you've written and find a way to either publish it, or duplicate it for mass consumption. The more people that read your thought, the more concrete and real it becomes, with less chances of being destroyed. Hording thoughts and deciding to keep them to yourself, is the fastest way to destroy them.
Fight and Write.
Help Prevent Thought Decay. Write.
Thinking is easy, but thoughts only last for moments. No one can benefit from thoughts unless these thoughts cause some action. One of the most effective forms of thought-to-action is writing. Writing a thought down makes it concrete. Unless that piece of paper is burned, or that electronic document destroyed, those thoughts will last there forever. Now if you want your thoughts to really be effective, take time to edit what you've written and find a way to either publish it, or duplicate it for mass consumption. The more people that read your thought, the more concrete and real it becomes, with less chances of being destroyed. Hording thoughts and deciding to keep them to yourself, is the fastest way to destroy them.
Fight and Write.
Help Prevent Thought Decay. Write.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Missing Posts
So I guess I can no longer blog via my phone... :( ... it was such a convenient option too. So because my last two posts turned out to be garbled nonsense, I'll re post them both in this one.
A few days ago...
"So how will we get our employees to do exactly what we won't... Anybody?" Looks around room, then points at a raised hand, "Yes, Mike?" The man pauses, seemingly unsure of his answer. "Uh, negative reinforcement?" *SLAMS fist on table* "That's exactly right! Now get crackin' people!"
Yesterday...
I'm ready to get out of here. This morning Big C stopped by my desk and asked if there was anything new with me. "No," I said, "not that I can think of." I've been depressed ever since. There should be something new. There should be a new job somewhere new where I should be starting my new career.
And now we're current.
In other news, I finished reading "1984" for the second time today. Intriguing and quite a downer. Exquisitely written though. I can't really think well enough to review it though.
A few days ago...
"So how will we get our employees to do exactly what we won't... Anybody?" Looks around room, then points at a raised hand, "Yes, Mike?" The man pauses, seemingly unsure of his answer. "Uh, negative reinforcement?" *SLAMS fist on table* "That's exactly right! Now get crackin' people!"
Yesterday...
I'm ready to get out of here. This morning Big C stopped by my desk and asked if there was anything new with me. "No," I said, "not that I can think of." I've been depressed ever since. There should be something new. There should be a new job somewhere new where I should be starting my new career.
And now we're current.
In other news, I finished reading "1984" for the second time today. Intriguing and quite a downer. Exquisitely written though. I can't really think well enough to review it though.
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