Where’s the fire of
life? I feel so dry. I feel like I’m living in a desert, but that goes without
saying. Every day is another headline I feel I have become immune to; Politics,
war, disaster, and every so often a story of human goodness and hope. I want
life, and as Jesus said life more abundant. Where is that life? Where are the
people who bring it? Why am I not one of those people? I feel I live the life
of a good person, but I don’t share the good news with anyone. I feel like I’m
trapped in my body. I look around with a half-smile on half the time; I suppose
I look grim or something most of the time. I see people having a good time
doing this or that, but I don’t feel like I should participate. I’ve read about
how we are to be sober, how we are to abstain from the very appearance of sin,
how we are not to participate in crude jokes, party, get drunk, have promiscuous
sex. These are the things I see people doing; the things I cannot/do not want
to participate in. So I look the part of the buzz-kill. I don’t enjoy
friendships when I move because I don’t go to places co-workers party. I’ve
tried going to church, but too much of it ends up making me feel like I’ve got
to wear a mask and be good. I already feel like I wear a mask everywhere except
home. I do know though, as a man who knows where the stream is at the edge of
the desert that church is where I can find the things I seek. I know Jesus is
the person that can give me these things and more. He said come to Him those
who thirst. Well I thirst Lord! I am so tired of thirsting. I am tired of
feeling far away from Him and His people. I’m tired of not having friends where
I live; all mine live hours away. I’m tired of paying off debtors with minimum
payments, but never making progress towards freedom. I’m tired of this dry as a
bone life.
Lord bring me life
more abundant.
I don't have the words for this.
ReplyDeleteIt's like you're so used to being thirsty that someone passes you water and you can't even recognize your need for it anymore; as if to say, "What's this stuff for?"
As for church, try not to let it get to you. You'd be surprised by what people expect, but you'd also be surprised by what they don't. You have to give them a chance before you decide that they already expect crazy things from you. You already expect too much from yourself and that will stress you out.
You and I both need hugs.
From each other.
End of.