Life of Ease and Frustration: Water Flows Downhill

I am tired and filled with caffeine. My head feels jittery, like my arms. There is a dullness in my brain from lack of good sleep. Yesterday, Marquis called us. He talked to us both on subjects ranging from National Novel Writing Month to (the One Who Must Not Be Named). I am interested in writing a novel,and have been for my whole memorable life. The problem, as Anna said last night, is I'm a realist. I tell myself I'm over criticism. That is false though, as I continue battling it on a daily basis. Even though I continue to follow my own path, paranoia trails me in close second. I'm paranoid right now, continually looking over my shoulders. Is Chris in here? Is Josh looking over here? Talking about me? Yesterday I was paranoid became I wanted to listen to the news on my MP3 player. I even asked Josh if anybody would care if I did. He said no. I continued feeling Yes. I'm so anal about some things, and its beginning to drive me crazy. I keep wanting to read over what I've written, looking for mistakes. At home, I'll tell Anna how something she's done can be done better. You know that doesn't go over well sometimes. Even if I were to attempt to write a novel, during NNWM I would have extreme difficulty continuing to write. I've always had problems continuing something I've started. I like new things, and starting new things, but have the lowest level of commitment to them of anyone I know. It may be my greatest downfall in life. I lack discipline. I lack self-confidence and self-control. I am water.