Mosquito

Recently, I was caught singing at work. This got me thinking. Why did I say "caught" at singing?

American males belong to a current of machismo that must not be broken at all costs. Why is this? Who made the rules of this machismo, and why don't we have massive meetings about them? We never debate these rules. They are never spoken. Yet we feel obligated to abide by them. Singing aloud is one we particularly frown upon with embarrassment.

The guy that caught me didn't make a big deal out of it. He just smiled and pointed at the part he'd brought in. This same guy has heard me singing to myself before, telling me afterwards that I had a good singing voice and shouldn't stop. He'd asked me if I was in a church choir. Of course I have no reason behind singing, besides that I just want to. We feel as if we need some explanation for our actions, and giving one just adds more authority to the unspoken rule that was broken.

This time when I brought his part back, he didn't talk about it at all. I don't know if there was something on my face that said the subject was off limits, or if  he felt in himself that he shouldn't re-cross such a taboo subject. I gave him the information he needed and moved on. The result stuck with me though. I had been rehearsing how I should respond to his queries this time. Yeah, you got me. He says something about why I was singing. I just enjoy it, you know.


Of course no explanation was needed, even though, I felt sort of let down that I didn't get to tell my secret, bursting through the wall of silence; a rebel with a cause. I was feeling justified and ready to defend the part of myself that had dropped the handkerchief. I must admit though, that I felt a bit relieved that he had effectively dropped the subject. I could continue singing, un-harassed until someone else walked in.

Why is singing off limits? *Raises hand* Yes? "Because singing reveals part of our soul?" Why  yes, I do believe you've hit on something there. Singing is in a category with activities such as telling someone "I love you," and jumping rope. These are some of the things that make men uncomfortable because these activities are feminine in nature. Usually girls enjoy jumping rope, making up rhymes to go with each skip. Girls also feel free to say "I love you" any time they like, while those words must be dragged out of the masculine population. I could ask why this is, but that is a whole separate conversation that could take hours of hot debate.

I have decided that even without answers to why this machismo hangs like a fog over the heads of mankind, I will rebel and be my own man. The ironic thing is this rebellion can be found when the cloud of masculine identity. The other ironic thing is that machismo sounds too much like mosquito to be a coincidence to me.